I, da Gama, dare these seas,
In honour of the Portuguese,
And seek the passage East to please
My noble prince and king.

And so, in the words of Adamastor's immortal poet, Jehanne de Huguenin, Vasco da Gama set off on his first voyage of discovery and brought the light of the Renaissance to this fair land in which we dwell (Huzzah!).

For most of the 15th century, the navigators of Portugal had searched in vain for a sea route to India. With the century drawing to a close, a quick audit revealed:
* on the debit side - a near empty Portuguese treasury
* on the credit side - the discovery of East London by Bartholomeu Dias.

Hardly inspirational stuff, although fortunately Spain's record was even worse⁽¹⁾.

Then in 1495, Manoel was crowned King of Portugal. Brushing aside the heartfelt pleas of his financial advisors, the young king drained the treasury for one last expedition and chose a gentleman of his household, Vasco da Gama, to lead it.

After a tearful farewell⁽²⁾ the intrepid explorers sailed from Portugal in 1497 in search of fame and fortune (especially fortune) in the mysterious East. The veteran explorer, Bartolomeo Dias, insisted on accompanying the early stages of the voyage, so that young Vasco would have the benefit of his superior wisdom and experience. Despite persistent and almost unbearable temptation, da Gama refrained from pushing the interfering old coot overboard and, after a few days, Dias returned safely to Portugal confident that, thanks to his advice, the fleet was heading the right way, wasn't likely to hit America by accident and shouldn't sink before passing Guinea.

On reaching Africa, da Gama followed the coast as far as Guinea. He then took a short cut across the open ocean, steering south-east. After 100 days without sight of land, the impeccably loyal crew members were just beginning to express doubts about the wisdom of this course, when suddenly from the lookout came the long-awaited cry of "land-ho". A relieved da Gama paused to check his astrolabe, glance at the sun, make some suitable grimaces and strike a heroic pose. He then announced to his impressed crew that they had reached the west coast of Africa somewhere between Guinea and Cape Point. The crew cheered and fired all the cannons to celebrate⁽³⁾.

Da Gama sent a small scouting party ashore who, with traditional Portuguese hospitality, captured one of the locals⁽⁴⁾. This rather odd custom didn't go down as badly as one might expect. After feeding and entertaining their captive, the Portuguese released him. The prisoner promptly ran off and returned with several friends⁽⁵⁾, who were also wined and dined by the sociable sailors. Unfortunately, one of da Gama's officers, Fernao Velloso, was a little too pushy when he tried to induce the locals to return the hospitality and they were reluctantly forced to request the Portuguese to sail on.

Foul weather and the efforts of our resident Titan, Adamastor (Huzzah!), prevented da Gama from landing near Cape Point⁽⁶⁾ and his fleet eventually made landfall in Mossel Bay. Before landing, just to be safe, the sailors stood off from land in their boats and watched the locals. Likewise, just to be safe, the locals stood, fully armed, on the shore and watched the Portuguese. To break the ice, the Portuguese decided to play their flutes and dance in their boats. The locals followed suit, playing their flutes and dancing on the beach. With both groups satisfied that the others were harmless lunatics, the Portuguese proceeded to land.

To start with, the two groups got on well, but when the locals accused the Portuguese of stealing their fresh water supplies, on the grounds that the Portuguese were stealing their fresh water supplies, the relationship soured. Once again, our fearless explorers were politely asked to resume their voyage (sigh).

The voyage up the east coast of Africa started well but rapidly deteriorated into a farce. When the explorers reached Moçambique they were mistaken for Moslems and treated with great respect. However, once the secret was out the courtesy stopped and the cannon started. It was only by virtue of superior firepower, kidnapped guides (who showed a strange and treacherous tendency to lead their kidnappers into ambushes), and the very occasional friendly ruler that they managed to creep up the coast.

At Malindi, in Kenya, their luck changed dramatically. Two Indian traders told da Gama that the King of Calcutta was Christian (even though he pronounced Christ "Krishna") and that they would be delighted to guide them there. Vasco da Gama leaped at the opportunity.

Shortly, after landing in Calcutta, the King himself came to greet his "co-religionists" and took them to Mass to celebrate their arrival. The Portuguese found the service rather odd⁽⁷⁾ but went along with the Calcuttan ceremony out of courtesy to their hosts.

In a normal exploration story this point would mark the end of the heroic phase and the start of the scandalous phase. It is a sad but inescapable fact that in many parts of the world, European explorers exploited the naivety of the indigenous inhabitants to acquire personal wealth (Boo!, Hiss!). Sensitive readers will be relieved to know that Vasco da Gama was one of the exceptions to this rule and, whatever else our hero can be accused of, exploiting the Calcuttans cannot be numbered among his crimes (Hear! Hear!).

After the initial festivities had wound down, da Gama started to discuss the matter of trade with the King's chief vizier. The vizier pointed out that it was customary to give gifts to the king before starting negotiations and da Gama, prepared for this eventuality, ordered his servants to bring them forth. It was about this time that the Portuguese trading effort started to flounder.

The vizier looked on incredulously as da Gama's servants started to lay out the glass beads, flannel pyjamas and tin bath tubs that King Manoel had given da Gama to use as presents. He laughed politely at da Gama's little joke and inquired after the real gifts. Da Gama was forced to admit that the trinkets were indeed it. The visibly shocked vizier took da Gama to one side and strongly advised him to keep quiet about the fiasco. He pointed out that no gifts were better than insulting gifts and assured him that he, the vizier, would do his best to placate the king despite da Gama's weak efforts. A downcast da Gama returned to his ship. The vizier quietly pocketed all the presents.

After this setback, da Gama now tried to sell the goods in his ship. Unfortunately, the Arab merchants, who before da Gama's arrival had enjoyed a monopoly on Indian trade, did not understand the inherent benefits of free trade and open competition. They made it quite clear to the Indian traders that they were welcome to trade with the Portuguese visitors provided they were resigned to never again trading with any Arab vessel. As a result, Vasco da Gama was unable to sell his goods in Calcutta and was forced to pay extortionate rates to transport his goods overland to a neighbouring town. The Indians, well aware of his desperate need to sell, did not do too badly at the haggling and it was a pretty thin purse that da Gama brought back from the market.

Da Gama's next task was to obtain samples of Indian spices and goods for his king. He tried asking the king of Calcutta for some as a gift. Unfortunately for da Gama, the king was strongly of the opinion that, as da Gama's king had given him nothing, he was well within his rights to reciprocate. Buying samples was not much easier. The local merchants were still reticent to deal with da Gama because of Arab pressure. Eventually, da Gama found a couple of merchants who could not resist the opportunity and he was able to purchase a handful of spices for an outrageous sum.

Da Gama, shorn of his goods and most of his money, attempted to leave. However, the king and the vizier refused to grant him permission until he paid the recently introduced harbour dues⁽⁸⁾. Da Gama refused (he had little choice - he didn't have enough money left to pay them) and took some merchants hostage. After some brief haggling, the hostages were released and the Portuguese were allowed to pay a special low rate (roughly equal to all their remaining money). So, poorer but possibly wiser, Vasco da Gama and his crew sailed back for Portugal, their incredible gullibility and poor business acumen having won a permanently friendly welcome for Portuguese vessels in the Kingdom of Calcutta.

The trip home was relatively uneventful and, in 1499, Vasco da Gama and his by now scurvy crew sailed triumphantly into Lisbon harbour (Cheers, Huzzahs, Throwing of Flowers, Blowing of Trumpets). King Manoel was delighted. The way to the Indies was open at last and the traders of Lisbon fought each other on the streets for the right to sail to India and enrich the Calcuttans. Vasco da Gama was granted a royal audience at which he presented his spice samples to King Manoel⁽⁹⁾. The king, in turn, rewarded him with titles and offices too numerous to mention. With the combination of royal patronage and creative chronicling, da Gama's reputation was made and it is with pride that in this, the quincentennary of his fleecing, we should look back on the achievements of this brave explorer and salute one of Adamastor's very own renaissance men (Huzzah!).

⁽¹⁾ In 1492, to the amusement of the rest of Europe, the Spanish government spent a fortune demonstrating the impracticality of sailing west to the far-east.

⁽²⁾ The chaplain's speech assuring the onlookers that, even though the sailors were unlikely to return alive, there was no need to worry as the Pope had forgiven their sins, did not raise morale as much as he had expected.

⁽³⁾ Alas no records exist of the response of the indigenous inhabitants to this display. One can only surmise that they were rather surprised to see an odd looking ship appear out of nowhere and suddenly explode.

⁽⁴⁾ This took some time as the locals were more Khoe than the West Africans the Portuguese were used to.

⁽⁵⁾ "Hey broe, come quick! There's a lekker jol down the beach. Lots of moffie sailors in fancy dress giving away free Nandos!"

⁽⁶⁾ No, I'm not making this up. According to Luis de Camoëns' deadly serious historical account, Adamastor told da Gama to voetsek in no uncertain terms.

⁽⁷⁾ Among other things, the saints in Portuguese churches are usually limited to two arms and two legs and seldom have 3-inch fangs.

⁽⁸⁾ Introduced that morning, most likely.

⁽⁹⁾ "It may be but a single nutmeg, Sire, but what a nutmeg! What texture! What aroma! A truly magnificent strain fresh from the Indies." etc.

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